Dodge-Zombie Reviews

Thanksgiving (I) (2023)

Eli Roth is dead.

[1/10 · 24 December 2023]

I been wondering for a while how come Eli Roth hasn't made a movie and now I'm wondering why he bothered to.

Now I'm gonna be fully honest and say I didn't watch the whole of this movie. Mostly because in 20 minutes I already found myself saying " oh just f...... Off.

It's not comedy, it's not horror, it's not black comedy.... It's just rubbish.

The acting is terrible.

The character development is none existent.

I'm actually in shock that this rubbish came from the same guy that made "Green Inferno" which I loved.

How anyone can go from "Hostel" to this is beyond me.

Think someone went for the money rather than making something good.

Talk to Me (I) (2022)

Absolute rubbish.

[1/10 · 15 September 2023]

I'm gonna struggle to come up with a single positive thing to say about this movie so I'll akip that and just say what is easy to say about it.

1. There isn't a single decent actor in this movie. It is just a bunch of kids that are pretending to be something they are not and making a very bad job of it.

2. It is not scary. It's boring.

3. Not a single likeable character so I couldn't care less what happens to any of them.

This movie has had a massive build up and clearly lots of fake reviews.

How Miranda Otto decided to be in this I will never understand because she is the only actually talented person in this disaster and in this she also was terrible.

Dismissed.

Little Bone Lodge (2023)

Swing and a miss.

[2/10 · 10 September 2023]

This honestly could of been an amazing movie. The story was mostly solid.

The acting however was totally sub par. Accents came and went. Loop holes all over. Back stories never fully told.

I think that if this had been made in America as a redneck/backwoods movie it would of done so much better. Some characters were almost forced in just for the sake of filling a gap. If you've ever watched a movie in your life then you should cery quickly be able to pick up on where a chunk of this story was going almost from the first scene.

I can't say much more than that without repeating myself.

Dismissed.

Is It Cake? (2022– )

I call a fixed show.

[2/10 · 2 July 2023]

So loads of people are banging on about how annoying the host is but honestly I don't care about that half as much as the fact that there's clearly some fixed or rigged nature of the show.

Lot's of people have mentioned that certain people were cheating on season one but that's nothing compared to the rubbish that happens towards the end of season 2.

If you choose to watch this then that's all on you. It's so totally stagged and over the top and half the contestants have been on other shows.

If it seems like I'm going on a bit it's because 600 letters is too many to get my point across. If there's a season 3 I'll be skipping it.

The American Barbecue Showdown (2020– )

If this isn't a fixed show then ........

[2/10 · 16 June 2023]

I've watched 2 seasons of this shiw and simply put it's just a stack of lies. 2 men draw for bottom place and are made to go head to head to see who leaves. 2 women draw for bottom place and they decide to keep them both.

1 guy cooks a pig with "perfect color" and another guy burns his pig and who wins? The guy who burns his pig.

If there's a third season I won't be watching it because none of it is judged fairly. The contestants are obviously picked for personality or back story and not actually for their cooking skills. Every time a judge says "thats the best............ Ive ever had" is so clearly a massive lie I only hope they've been paud plenty to sell their soul.

The Pale Blue Eye (2022)

Horrific accents.

[1/10 · 21 May 2023]

So a movie that is set in America is full of British actors most of who can't pull off any sort of American accent. Most accents bounce between something awful and something unrecognisable.

The movie may of been much better but this nonsensical use of horrible voices just made it drag every time certain people spoke.

I made it half an hour in before I'd had enough of the complete boring way this movie plodded along and started writing this review.

Harry Melling is a terrible actor and completely wrong for the part of Poe.

I can only assume Poe was included as a character to get people to watch this but it does nothing to help the plot or the movie.

Another movie where the talents of some great actors are criminally used.

Dismissed.

Sisu (2022)

Don't expect the trailer to help.

[2/10 · 17 May 2023]

I went into this not expecting much and got even less.

There's a bit of naration and then 10 minutes of a man digging a hole, on his own. Apart from the occasional horse noise and dog bark (he has a horse and a dog) it's just 10 minutes of digging sounds. That's what the movie calls the first chapter.

After that there's 5 minutes of a guy riding a horse. Then suddenly Nazis start messing with the guy and decide to search through his stuff. At this point the man suddenly has the ability to take on like 6 soldiers who are all armed with pistols and machine guns and fights them off using just a knife. He can then outrun a tank on a horse while avoiding both heavy machine gun fire and tank rounds.

So basically another movie where you have to believe that nobody actually knows how to shoot straight. After that I switched it off. It's just ridiculous.

Dismissed.

Dead for a Dollar (2022)

Just awful.

[2/10 · 15 May 2023]

Sometimes when you have the right ingredients you make something that doesn't work. For example, cheese, lemon and raspberries could be used to make a delicious cheesecake with raspberry sauce. It could also be used to make a god awful pizza.

In case you miss my point here what I mean is simply that the ingredients in this movie may all be good elsewhere but here simply don't go together.

There's no passion in this movie at all. Its just people reading lines. Half of them badly written lines.

If you want to watch a great Walther Hill film I'd suggest going back 35 years or more.

This does not do his legacy any justice.

Dismissed.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

Kids in horror again.

[6/10 · 10 May 2023]

So I'm old enough to have seen all the previous movies in this franchise. Not old enough to have seen them at the cinema but nevertheless I have seen them.

I'm not sure that anyone involved in this mess has.

I'm pretty sure that whoever was in charge of this rubbish is a big fan of stranger things and figured chucking kids in it will make it work.

I hate stranger things and I hate the fact that people rely on kids with zero acting ability to be able to carry a movie.

The only reason I gave this a score of 2 is because it has decent music but even that isn't used in the right way.

I won't lie and say I watched the whole movie because 40 minutes in I'd had enough.

Dismissed.

Inside (I) (2023)

Not for everyone.

[7/10 · 8 April 2023]

First off I really enjoyed this movie. It held my attention the whole time and Willem Dafoe did a great job at keeping my focus.

Movies in a single location with minimal cast are incredibly difficult to pull off but I think this one managed it.

The cinematography was spot on and the photography was there too. The acting made sense the script didn't feel forced and possibly the best atmospheric soundtrack in a very long time with use of tones rather than music tracks.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not fanboying all over this as there were a number of issues that arose but you'll have to watch it to make your mind up about them.

This movie will no doubt be boring to anyone who's a fan of say Michael Bay or Vin Diesel as it isn't an action packed joy ride.

For people who like something a bit weird but focused I'd definitely recommend it.

65 (2023)

Swing and a miss.

[3/10 · 7 April 2023]

I like dinosaurs and I like sci-fi movies so was looking forward to this. I also like it when a movie can be made with a minimal cast.

Unfortunately this just doesn't work for me. Limited cast yes but they speak different languages so there's little actual conversation which means the movie has to make up for that in other ways and it just doesn't.

A spaceship that's able to put passengers into cryosleep but has effectively no long range sensors to detect an asteroid belt. Yet the character has a handheld device that can detect something in space while he's on the ground. There's a lot of that kind of nonesense.

I spent so much of this movie just rolling my eyes I'm surprised I'm not looking out the back of my own head.

The CGI is good. That's about the only real positive about it.

Not a good movie so.... Dismissed.

Still Missing Morgan (2023– )

Don't expect a conclusion.

[2/10 · 2 April 2023]

There seems to be this current trend of making true crime programs where they spend between 4 and 6 hours getting the viewer invested to then end all of a sudden with no conclusion.

This is another one of them.

There's lots of finger pointing but when it comes to actual facts there's very little going on here apart from people hoping to find something.

The main point is that a 6 year old girl was allowed to run around a carpark late at night with no actual supervision and then the child vanished.

There's a lot of blame can be thrown around that scenario. I'll let you decide how much of it should go where.

If the kid was taken then the culprit deserves death.

What if the kid had an accident because nobody was watching? Who's to blame then?

The Night Agent (2023– )

Middle of the road.

[4/10 · 2 April 2023]

I recently watched this series and can't get my head around how incredibly predictable the whole thing was.

That being said I was able to watch the whole thing which makes it better than a lot of things I've tried to watch recently.

It could of easily been a couple of hours shorter and still made the same impact.

The acting was rather hit and miss. Or maybe I just didn't understand why everyone was always super serious. Yes I understand the tone of the series was a serious one but hardly anyone ever smiled. It had subplots that weren't fully explained and characters making decisions or choices that had no logic. Conversations seem to have been inserted to up the running time.

I should add this isn't the usual sort of thing I watch so maybe other people will enjoy it more than me.

Waco: American Apocalypse (2023)

Oh for........ Sake.

[2/10 · 22 March 2023]

It's hard to review this without drawing attention to the fact that most of the people involved (the religious ones) are just total idiots.

I'm not saying all religious people are idiots but the ones shown in this program certainly are.

This was a wasted opportunity to show what actually happened and was overshadowed by pointless conversation by people in the waco compound feeling sorry for themselves for breaking a load of laws and thinking they were better than that.

Some of them openly admit to murder but claim it's finr because "god" said so..... The biggest issue here is that political correctness stopped the truth being said.

Let Us Prey (2014)

Personally I love it.

[8/10 · 20 March 2023]

So this movie has a few things going for it that instantly make me like it. Small cast (pre covid when a small cast was for a reason and not just because people aren't allowed near each other). Minimal locations (same thing). Liam Cunningham who has always been good in what I've seen him in, and Pollyanna McIntosh who has been equally good in most of what I've seen her in.

The story is great, the premise is clever and there are some very interesting moments, not all of which were expected.

Liam Cunningham really does carry the movie but he often does that.

Yes a couple of the support cast could of been better but nobody is bad enough to ruin the movie.

It's not a straight forward horror in all aspects. I find it very clever and would recommend it to real movie fans.

Consecration (2023)

When was horror this boring?

[1/10 · 20 March 2023]

I'm not gonna lie as soon as I saw Shudder in the credits I instantly felt this was going to be rubbish. I have yet to see a Shudder movie that I'd rate above a 3 so I knew it wasn't looking good.

To be honest I onlt decided to watch this movie for Jena Malone but her acting is so wooden in this I'm not sure I'd watch a movie she's the main star of again.

The short version is that the script is awful, the acting terrible, the direction questionable and apart from a few nice camera shots there really is nothing worth seeing here.

Too many people think making a movie about religion instantly makes it not have to make sense. This movie is guilty of that.

Dismissed.

Cocaine Bear (2023)

Expecting nothing and still was worse.

[2/10 · 20 March 2023]

Obviously with a title like "Cocaine bear" and with the premise of the movie I wasn't expecting anything ground breaking. That being said I seriously think that having an IQ above 80 will stop anyone frim enjoying this rubbish.

I don't know who the market is because it's about drungs and death yet stars kids.

I didn't expect much going in but those expectations were still too high.

2 separate kids eat a large amount of cocaine each yet apparently have no effects because they both spit it out. That's not a spoiler because it happens in the beginning of the movie.

Basically every character is an idiot. There's questionable CGI and a plot that's based on a true story but actually is all made up apart from like 2 aspects.

Dismissed.

Who Done It: The Clue Documentary (2022)

Very disappointing.

[1/10 · 18 March 2023]

I wanted to love this so much but just couldn't. There are very few of the main cast actually being spoken to and a huge chunk of the documentary is just videos from conventions or interviews with people who had absolutely nothing to do with the movie.

Yes unfortunately some of the cast are no longer with us and that is very sad as obviously there is no way to interview them or get their input.

Clearly most of the people who are however just simply didn't want to be involved in this which is unfortunate also.

You may find out some information you didn't previously know but it will be very little.

I'd recommend just watching the movie and pretend that this isn't even a thing.

Boston Strangler (2023)

Should be called something else.

[2/10 · 18 March 2023]

Call me old fashioned but when a movie has the title "Boston Strangler" then I'm kind of expecting a good chunk of the movie to centre around, you know, the murders.

What we have instead is a story about predominantly a woman struggling to get recognition in a world that is trying to keep women down.

Now if we remove that aspect then what you're left with is a reporter trying to solve a crime and finding roadblocks constantly, negativity from loved ones and support from another reporter who seems to be more respected.

If that sounds at all familiar then maybe you've seen David Finchers "Zodiac". Which frankly is a far batter movie than this.

I can't recommend this movie becy honestly it just didn't grab my attention enough.

Luther: The Fallen Sun (2023)

Watch the series and then stop.

[2/10 · 16 March 2023]

There is no easier way to say this than this totally sucked. I mean I could say it another way but honestly imdb wouldn't allow me to post this if I did.

So first I watched the whole series and enjoyed some and didn't enjoy some but in general it was enough to make me watch this pot of rubbish.

Andy Serkis could be the best actor in the world but the hair style he sports in this is just so laughable it takes anything serious away from his character.

The whole script and show has been Americanized. People who are english repeatedly use american slang or phrasing. The special effects, well, weren't special.

Possibly my boggest issue was that 6'3" Idris Elba apparently can't defend himself against 5'8" Serkis.

Absolute junk. Terrible acting, horrible script, rubbish direction.... Like I said to begin with, watch the series and then stop.

The Last of Us (2023– )

Clearly being overhyped.

[3/10 · 13 March 2023]

I should say straight away that I've never played the games that this series is based on so I'm judging it solely on how it comes across as a series.

I held off watching this because the amount of hype around it just was far too much for me to believe.

I watched episode 1. I thought it was ok and decided to watch another.

Episode 2. Ok things seem to be moving along in an interesting way even if some parts are incredibly obvious.

Episode 3. Actually really enjoyed the episode but it really didn't connect to the first 2 episodes and felt like it could of just been a totally separate me vie of its own.

After that it just went further and further downhill. Rolled my eyes at episode 4, shook my head at episode 5, struggled to get through episode 6, gave up when episode 7 just became a teen drama.

Pick a lane.

Dismissed.

Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023)

Not his best or his worst.

[5/10 · 10 March 2023]

Cryptic that title isn't it? I could be talking about Guy Ritchie, or Jason Statham, Hugh Grant, Cary Elwes. Basically all of the above and everyone else involved.

It's fine if you want to watch a movie that passes the time but it won't stick with me. I don't need to watch it again.

Aubrey Plaza steals much of the movie but then she tends to do that with her quirky nature so I wasn't surprised by that.

To be honest I was rather disappointed by Josh Harnett who I normally really like in movies but he just never seemed to really be involved in this one. Like he showed up, read his lines and went home.

"Wrath of Man" and "The Gentleman" were both far better.

The Fatal Flaw: A Special Edition of 20/20 (2022– )

A fatal flaw........ Stupidity.

[2/10 · 23 February 2023]

So you know when you're watching a true crime documentary and you get sucked into the story because you're so involved in the story? Yeah that doesn't happen here. Not even close.

Each episode is as bad as the next. The only "Fatal Flaws" are those made by the police department's and legal teams that somehow failed to see what was incredibly obvious in each case.

I'm not saying police work is easy. I'm not even saying that prosecution is easy. What I'm saying is if it is so obvious while watching each episode within minutes as to who was guilty then why the hell didn't they pick more difficult stories to cover.

It's not even cleverly done. It's more a case of "we thought they did it, and they did" No mystery. No real difficulties.

Just skip this nonsense.

Murdaugh Murders: A Southern Scandal (2023)

What was the point??

[2/10 · 23 February 2023]

If this had been a movie then basically it would of had no ending.

If this had involved poor people it would of never been made.

So there's a rich family and people just die around them constantly but they're rich so nobody pays much attention. The whole time that people are randomly dying the family "friends" all think something isn't right but they are also rich so do nothing because...... There's a bunch of interviews that just come across as totally staged. A huge amount of hearsay with no proof and no conclusion.

Don't watch this expecting to find out what actually happened because after 3 episodes it just stops.

Cloverfield (2008)

I'll never understand why.......

[2/10 · 21 February 2023]

This movie is rated so high and it makes absolutely no sense.

The camera work is horrendous. The script..... I mean, was there a script? I'm not convinced there was and I suspect it was mostly just made up on the fly.

The acting is just terrible. Characters decision making is ridiculous, background actors/extras appear to have absolutely no direction and often aren't even all looking the same way when interacting with their surroundings.

The majority of the movie consists of people shuffling around asking stupid questions, giving each other filthy looks for asking stupid questions and things happening off camera.

There really is very little worth watching this for. A couple of the effects shots are ok.

The concept was good but very poorly executed.

Skip it because you're not missing anything important.