misho1988 Reviews

Scorpion (2014–2018)

Beyond Stupid

[3/10 · 22 September 2014]

It seems odd to me that you'd have a show where geniuses solve problems using science and engineering with this many glaring errors. I'm not sure if the writers simply chose to ignore their technical advisors or no one actually thought to hire any, but the end result is laughable either way.

To be honest, some of the stuff they try on the show even laymen should know wouldn't work. Without going into spoiler-y detail, they try to connect to a Wi-Fi network to download a file, and they need it to happen in (a lot) less than one second. When has anyone ever managed to connect to a Wi-Fi network in under a second, let alone download something from it? Fine, maybe the writers of this show don't have a Wi-Fi at home, but they've probably been in a Starbucks at some point in their lives (writing terrible teleplays, no doubt). They should know better.

The acting really is pretty good, but it doesn't help much when every other thing they say is gibberish.

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Much Worse than the Other Three

[1/10 · 2 July 2014]

This movie was terribly written. I've seen reviews concerned about the poor acting and so on, but to me, the script was the worst thing by far. In fact, I have decided to remember Ehren Kruger's name, so that I can avoid his work in the future.

There were continuity errors throughout, every single character was underdeveloped (there were simply too many of them), the attempts at comedy were pretty pathetic, the dialogue was generally idiotic and the pacing was ridiculous. Previously established rules about how the transformers work (e.g. regarding their sparks) are ignored, which makes suspension of disbelief very difficult. It honestly felt like there was only one draft of the script which was scribbled down in a hurry.

I realize that the first three films don't set the bar very high, but this one is simply much worse. All you really get when you watch it is two and a half hours of chaotic nonsense.

Premium Rush (2012)

Fun Action Flick

[8/10 · 4 December 2012]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a reputation for doing serious dramatic roles; this isn't one of them. The film is light, exciting, fast-paced and comedic. There's nothing particularly deep about it, but it's a lot of fun to watch. Furthermore, it shows off a lot of the ways you can get hurt riding a bike, which, if anything, should encourage people to be more careful on bikes and near cyclists (and there's something satisfying about seeing people fall off bikes).

One of the big downsides is that while the supporting actors aren't bad, they're much worse than Gordon-Levitt, and the contrast is noticeable.

All in all, this is just fun film to watch with friends. It reminded me somewhat of Taxi (1988) (to clarify, that's the first French one).

No Ordinary Family (2010–2011)

Great premise, but I think the characters may all be idiots.

[3/10 · 12 December 2010]

NOTE: the spoilers are only about secondary plots

I get that the show is supposed to show the family adapting to having superpowers, and they are supposed to show the family slowly learning how to be superheroes, but some (actually, a lot) of the stuff they do is borderline retarded, which is detrimental to the show.

For example, it takes the dad like 4-5 episodes to realize he should probably wear a mask to protect his identity. Also, he jumps through the city, causing damage every time he falls/lands, and doesn't seem to think this is a big deal.

The son wants to impress a girl, gets his sister to read the girl's mind. When the sister finds out the girl's not into him, she tells the brother that the girl only dates Jewish guys, so he learns how to pretend to be Jewish, which naturally fails miserably (and supposedly hilariously, but I don't remember it being funny). And this is the guy whose superpower is an enhanced reasoning ability. Also, just about every math-related thing he (and everyone else, actually) says is wrong, but I suppose I can't expect the writers to know that.

The daughter (who can read minds) wants to impress a guy, and he tells her that he likes art. She decides that she needs to get her brother to learn about art, and then read her brother's mind, while she is on a date at an art museum with the guy (she has the brother follow in disguise). I'm guessing her Wile E. Coyote plan failed because I stopped watching after that. I mean, she can READ MINDS, just read the guy's mind and figure out what he wants. Or just make out with him or something, that'll probably work, too. Come to think of it, half the telepathic stuff she does can probably be accomplished conventionally.

I'm pretty sure the wife did some stupid stuff, too, but to be honest her character is so boring, I tend to tune out during her scenes.

I really wanted to like this show, which is why I saw so many episodes, but the writing is just awful. The examples I wrote here are not isolated. Pretty much every episode has two or more things like this. The actors do a pretty decent job considering what they are asked to say and do. The special effects are fine, too. Maybe I'll check back in a year if the show's still on the air.

BloodRayne (2005)

Pathetic.

[3/10 · 24 January 2006]

This movie was bearable, but not much more than that. Anyone who chooses to blame Uwe Boll for the poor quality isn't wrong, but blaming him exclusively is. There were many others to blame.

The writer was terrible. The characters were stupid. The language they used was simply hilarious (I don't recall them using contractions, but if they did, it wasn't very often). Half the things that happened, like the fat vampire monk or the Rayne sex scene, made absolutely no sense.

The stunts and pretty much any choreography were absolutely terrible, so the movie fails in this way, too.

Boll screwed up in many ways, but I'm sure they're all already mentioned, so I won't bother.

The acting was horrendous. Well, I've seen worse, but not by much. Kristanna Loken should not be allowed to have any parts that involve moving her face or speaking because she's not good at it. Billy Zane was pretty cool, but I don't see why his character was included at all. Michael Madsen was terrible for the part he played. Michelle Rodriguez tried to do a British accent and failed.

Really, the only good thing about this movie was that there was enough action to keep me interested until they end. Only that warranted the 3/10 I gave it.

I couldn't figure out what the significance of the last scenes (after the climax) was supposed to be, and I imagine there was one, but I still can't think of anything several hours later.

Four Rooms (1995)

2 good stories out of 4

[5/10 · 9 January 2006]

There is a mild spoiler in the second paragraph.

I realize that I'm not the first person to point this out, but half of this movie really sucked, while the other half was great. There was also another part of this movie, in which Ted (the Bellhop) calls some woman on the telephone and summarizes the movie up until that point in a mildly comedic manner. I choose to ignore that part since it serves no purpose.

The first story in the first room in this movie was terrible (except there was some joke about lesbian incest involving Madonna, and the bellhop's subtle reaction is hilarious), and I can't even remember the details of the second because it was so bad. After these it gets awesome.

During the third room part, I was laughing almost incessantly. It was brilliant. The kids were just hilarious, throughout. In the last skit, the typical Tarantino style was evident and it was very enjoyable, almost at the level of Pulp Fiction.

So, I would recommend renting this movie, and skipping past the first half. There is a bit of a crossover between the second and fourth rooms, but it's not really important.

RRRrrrr!!! (2004)

Hilarious

[10/10 · 5 December 2005]

This movie is one of the most enjoyable movies I have come across. All of the jokes are completely ridiculous, so you can just stop thinking and laugh. After the introduction to the movie, I couldn't stop laughing for over half a minute.

Now, if you are the type of person who exclusively likes movies which make you think (some of which are good), you will HATE this movie. If you just want to sit back and laugh at the incredible stupidity of all of the characters, this is the movie to do it with.

I watched the movie with subtitles, but having knowledge of French couldn't hurt. From the little French I know, I managed to pick up a few of the jokes missed in translation and laughed at some of the translations.

Doom (2005)

This is hilariously stupid.

[2/10 · 23 October 2005]

What a bad movie. Honestly. The acting was terrible. The plot was stupid. The virus makes monsters when it finds an "evil gene". What kind of crap is that? The characters were so crappy and boring. There were all these mentally unstable marines and that doctor who new a lot but didn't tell them anything for no reason at all. Actually, she might have had a reason, but I was either too busy laughing or trying to figure out any one of the previous parts of the story that made little or no sense.

The best part of the movie is when the guy becomes super-human (because of a DNA alteration which shouldn't affect him anyway) and they start showing the first person mode and he's fighting the guy (who is a now a giant pig or something like that) in the wheelchair with a chainsaw (the pig is in a wheelchair, not the superhuman guy). At least then, there is no pretense about having a plot or good characters. It's just violence which exists for some reason or another. It's awesome. I think they should have taken out the other 95 minutes of the movie.

At any rate, I would very much recommend this movie if you have run out of other things to do. I mean ANYTHING ELSE. Like, licking stamps or something is preferable... the movie is that banal.

Hero (2002)

Terrible... Well, good for a laugh, I guess.

[1/10 · 1 February 2005]

It does contain spoilers.

I'm going to keep this short. There was nothing good about this movie.

1. Jet Lee can't act.

2. People don't fly.

3. People can't run on water. "The running on water I could kind of believe." (from some other user comment) If you believe that, you're not very smart...

4. Silk cannot stop arrows.

5. When people get impaled, they bleed from the place they were impaled. I saw a guy bleed from his feet after getting stabbed in the stomach and I saw a tree bleed after a woman got stabbed.

6. Keeping your writing class going while arrows are shot into the room is not heroic in any way; it's stupid.

7. Letting a maniac dictator live is a stupid message. If a movie with such a message was released in an Allied country during WWII, it would have been despised, not praised.

8. Leaves do not change colour within seconds.

9. You cannot make wind with your sword.

I can't believe anyone liked this movie. It has bad acting, ridiculously unrealistic physics, a terrible message and damned annoying sounds from the swords which sounded like feedback and hurt my ears.