kels-errific Reviews

Haywire (2011)

Great action flick

[8/10 · 22 January 2012]

I get why the studio was nervous to release this film: too artsy and slower paced with an unknown in the lead. I can also tell why audiences will be divided: female action leads tend to be a tough sell. People expecting balls to the wall action, with explosions and bullet fire every five seconds will have to look elsewhere. What we get is an arty action movie with some of the best filmed action I have seen. I rather enjoyed the story about a female operative being betrayed by her organization. Its been done before, but never so expertly here. The only thing I frowned on was that Gina's voice in the film sounds altered. I saw her in interviews for the film, and wish they would have kept her natural voice. She shines in this role, and easily is the best contender for the lead if DC ever gets off their laurels and makes a wonder woman film. Bottom line, very watchable action flick, with decent acting ( in an action movie? No way!!) amazing action and a stylized film style. Plus, my best friend and I couldn't help but grooving to the 60's spy style music of the film. Great way to spend an afternoon!!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)

Not good...

[5 September 2011]

A funny thing happened after I watched this movie. I was with a group of people, and as soon as the movie was done, we could not help but stand together in the theatre, dissecting everything thing that went wrong with the movie. We were relentless, this movie had so many logistical problems and eye rolling moments, it was almost insulting. The story is about a young girl named Sally who basically unleashes tiny little killer fairies into a creepy mansion that is being restored by her architect father and his new girlfriend. What begins as an effective first half of a movie, ends in something while jarring, is incredibly disappointing. In one sequence, we are given an interesting scenario. Sally is trying to convince her father that the little creatures who are in the house are real, so she is given essentially three chances to do this. 1. She gets a Polaroid camera to get evidence. When she succeeds in getting a photo, the photo is snatched away from her at a dinner table by one of the fairies. 2. Rather than saying, hey look, that fairy thing is under the table, she scrambles after it into the library, where she is attacked, but manages to actually squish a creature with a book shelf. 3. Now, I don't answer to the name Sherlock Holmes, but I thought the body would be perfectly acceptable evidence. Wrong. This is just one instance of many. I love me some Guillermo del Toro, that is why it pains me that this movie fails on so many levels. After an attack on the grounds-keeper, Katie Holme's character leaves Sally to go research the creatures in a library, where, coincidentally, she is able to find out exactly what the creatures are. I hate research in horror movies, like everyone who is ever scared has to become re-affirmed scientists bent on collecting enough information so they could write an expose. Its such a cliché plot point, I can't bear it. It could have been even worse had their been a google page for these fairy things, but still the whole library scene was horrible. Every other scene had me saying to myself, really? This movie has scares, yes, but jump scares to me can be done by anyone with timing, and access to a loud orchestral screech at the right moment. This movie had little ambiance for me, everything was about cheap horror thrills that can equally be achieved by walking through Universal's Haunted House, where men in bad make up jump out at you behind the pulsing rays of a strobe light. Do I jump? Yes. Does it keep me awake at night that I jumped? No. The movie seems to tease you just a little bit with a few minutes of atmosphere, and then blows its load in a hurry suspecting we need something loud to keep us engrossed in the movie. Yes the odds were stacked against the movie from the outset, as it is a remake. But I had so much faith in Del Toro I thought if anyone could squash the remake curse, it would be him. Yes he didn't direct it, but he co-wrote the screenplay and his DNA is very present in this movie. This one, sad as it is to say, is a miss...

X: First Class (2011)

Classy affair!

[10/10 · 23 June 2011]

I loved this movie! X-men movies as of late have not been the best, but I saw this one and within the first 45 minutes knew that this movie was a step in the right direction. Its no secret to those who know me of my love for Mystique and Magneto, so to have two amazing actors breath life into my favourite duo was an amazing affirmation from the movie telling me the franchise was in more than good hands. I will go on the record and say Wolverine is the most overrated X-men in my opinion, and revelled in the fact that he was not the primary focus in this film. The movie lends itself very well to a 60's vibe, and the story is an origins story of how Xavier and co created the xmen. Watching the film unravel, you realize that Matthew Vaughn the director understands that action itself is not enough, that to create characters you really care for stands as the proper motivation for gluing you to the screen. I really cared for all of the characters, and the payoff was the best xmen movie so far! Xcellent film :P

Buried (2010)

a jolting, innovative, disappointing experience

[7/10 · 8 October 2010]

I like movies that I can watch again. Its not to say movies that don't have re-playability can not be good, just that in Buried's case, I will not see this movie again. It is an intense, innovative movie that is held together by one actor. Its not a franchise, has zero special effects, and literally rides on Mr. Reynold's shoulders. That's pretty bold into today's film scene. The basic premise: a man who is working for a truck convoy in Iraq is abducted and put in a box, "buried" alive. He is given a lighter, and a cell phone in his coffin, and that's it. He is instructed to produce money for his captors if he is to get out alive. Anybody who has seen Kill Bill Volume 2 can empathize that being buried alive is frightening. Picture the Bride's Texas funeral stretched out into a film, and your not far off. As I sat in the theatre, I felt claustrophobic. The camera angles and setting will get to you, it just feels eerie. The sounds, and the dark amplify what a horrifying experience it would be. I felt myself sinking in my seat, and the audience was there with me. Everyone was on board for the movie, buuuut then the ending happened. In this age of surprise endings, I was convinced that it would be some lame twist. The whole movie holds you at a fever pitch, and then... it ends. In such a disappointing way ( sans a twist, thankfully) , you feel cheated as you invested all this emotion into the film for a sad send-off. As soon as the movie ended, the lights in the theatre went on, and the audience looked at each other in utter confusion. What the hell just happened? Up until the ending, the movie was great, but as the film rode into its conclusion, it fell apart in my opinion, and for that I give it a seven.

Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)

Pretty, yet bad. Pretty bad.

[5/10 · 12 September 2010]

Yes its a movie about fighting zombies. Yes gravity in this movie is like a yo yo and can be manipulated. Yes its fanciful, but the minute a movie's main hero is able to survive an explosive plane crash, and not really indicate how it was accomplished, you lost me. Alice after being made human through the beginning of the first act, is sent careening, in bullet B U L L E T b - u - l - l - e - t time through an exploding window, and is able to walk away from the debris. Boo, Hollywood, boo. I figured I was in trouble after that, and for the most part I was right. The action was OK, but far from the things I thought I was in store for. The script, horrible. Really bad. I sense the actors care about this movie, and it sucks that they are some of the most two dimensional characters I've seen in a movie, ever. The 3-d was pretty, but it was not enough for me. The movie was poorly conceived. Every now and then, they'd throw things at the resident evil gamers, like a clumsy wink: look gamers, Claire is back! Note her red hair, and vest, you remember her from the games? And Chris! That's her brother, wink wink. But then the movie doesn't really do anything with it. It's like, OK I've got your attention, now get ready for them to act completely opposite of their characters. Chris is kinda creepy, and Claire is actually kind of a b*tch in the movie. The only one who was spot on was the executioner. Alice sees some growth but the rest of the cast is pretty painful, as nothing happens to them. Wesker was all right, but he is basically left to be chewed up and spat out by the horrible lines he has to say. Sometimes, like when the survivors are making their way through burrowed caves, I felt immersed in the film and claustrophobic. Could this train wreck be turned around? Nope, false call. Just potential for something better. The best part of the movie, was the ending cameo from Jill Valentine. She delivered acting that didn't make me cringe, looked hot doing it, and kind of saved the film from getting a three from me, not joking. I feel Paul the writer and director has lost what grip he had on the franchise from the first film. Flirting with a fan boy with greatness to deliver crap is pretty dangerous. This film felt rushed, unpolished and just ugh. Yup, ugh. There will be a fifth film, so I feel more weary of that idea than ever. 5/10

Water (I) (2005)

A haunting movie

[9/10 · 14 August 2010]

My roommate has a collection of movies that rivals a blockbuster. While looking for something to watch, I found the movie Water. And I had no idea what I was in for. It was a beautiful movie. I watched the English version and have full intentions of going back and watching the theatrical release ( subs do not bother me ) but what I can say, the movie was haunting. From the beautiful scenery, to the lavish costumes, and awe inspiring soundtrack, on a scale of the senses, it delivers. But a movie is more than just imagery, and the actors and characters do not disappoint. The movie centres around Chuyia, a very young girl who becomes a widow. The tragedy unfolds as a widow has three options: join her dead husband by taking her own life; to marry her husband's younger brother should his family give approval;or to remain as a shadow in a sanctuary where widows try to atone and live a life of celibacy for their departed husbands. The widow's sanctuary is a heartbreaking shelter where the women are mere shadows of society, and are sentenced within the walls to slip away as quietly as possible. The film contends with the traditionalist belief system failing to hold reverence for a new generation. K.Ghandi returns from Africa attacking the beliefs of the Hindu faith and encouraing a new train of thought and it is in Narayan ( a disciple) we see a new methodology. Narayan falls for Kalyani, a resident of the widow's house, and despite her harrowing past, he vows to marry her. It is this shift that serves as the fulcrum on which the movie balances on. We watch the characters contend with their feelings and bear the shackles of their ancestor's scribes, and it can get fairly depressing. In the end though, this movie made me laugh, made me think, and yes made me cry. A triumph.

Salt (2010)

First great movie of the summer!

[9/10 · 14 August 2010]

I loved this movie! I caught a DVD of one of Angelina's first movies, cyborg 2, and saw her do some brief action pieces. You see in Cyborg 2 a shimmer of the force of nature we have now. What a difference time makes! She is a veteran action star, and I can't think of another actor who has as much ability and talent and Ms. Jolie does. Within 25 minutes of the movie, we see her blow up a room full of guards, shimmy around a high story building, escape on a freeway by jumping onto motor vehicles, its breathtaking! The pace continues to a fever pitch, and you as a viewer can not help but feel a rush when Salt gets down to business. The plot involves a tale involving Russian sleeper agents, and had a few twists that took me and my guy by surprise. I really enjoyed the story and found myself gripping the seat for the next scene. Salt is a force to be reckoned with: she is resourceful and an intimidating threat, her fight scenes are just brutal. To think that Tom Cruise once was set to star in this movie is just unfathomable. For action fans, you can't do any better. Angelina delivers and proves that the action era once populated by men has come to a close. I gave this movie a healthy nine because I can't remember the last time I had that much fun at the movies! A definite recommend!

500 Days of Summer (2009)

One of my favourite movies!!

[10/10 · 8 July 2010]

Some movies, I enjoy thoroughly but would be hard pressed to watch them again. Every now and then a rare thing will happen where a movie has this irresistible charm and can be viewed repeatedly. 500 Days of summer is such a movie. From the first frame, I knew this movie was for me. I love quirky characters and indie soundtracks, so it not be an exaggeration to say the movie won me over at the beginning. The story is something anyone can relate too. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, girl is indifferent and despite seeming like the one, further scrutiny would tell a different story. I thought the two man actors, Joseph and Zooey had amazing chemistry. Their uncomfortable moments made me uncomfortable, their tender moments put a smile on my face, etc. I just felt the portrayal of a relationship was spot on, warts and all, without coming off as cheesy or smoothed over. Plus, the smith nods? :) I love this movie!! There are no villains, and I think this is the sign of a great work when instead of finger pointing, it relates that sometimes things do not work out and it is nobody's fault. I know a lot of people will hate Summer and her character, but by the end, I felt happy to know she was happy and saw Joseph's character accept her resolve, and say that he wants her to be happy. Beautiful. Saying to someone you've loved you wish them happiness outside of your embrace, that takes immeasurable strength. The moment had me in tears, because it is rare you are able to see such poignant grace. 10/10

PS The Regina Spektor song at the beginning owns my life, I love the soundtrack to this movie. :) x5

Alice (2009)

Very interesting, but unrealized

[6/10 · 2 May 2010]

So two re-imagingings of Alice in Wonderland were released this year. One was from an iconic Hollywood director, the other a smaller production special on the ScyFy network. Guess which one was better? I didn't like Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, at all. My opinion is if your going to do a remake, bring something to it, don't tread the trodden ground. His version played it safe. And actually diluted the experience, by a lot. This Alice had an interesting twist on it and although it falters in some key areas, overall it had more than enough charm for me to appreciate the retelling. I liked noticing the characters from the book, and acknowledging the little nods to the original story. The woman who played Alice was infinitely more interesting to me, and I enjoyed the dynamic between the Hatter and Alice. I was surprised at the special effects and thought they were rather good for what the movie was. I also felt the casting was elevated with Kathy Bate's role as the Red Queen. She made me laugh in more than one scene and I thought she did a splendid job. My complaints are a few. While the script can have clever moments, it also falls into generic dialogue. When a director realizes what an opportunity he has with writing scenes in wonderland, and utilizes it properly, I will praise him with countless accolades. As it is, this really has not heightened scripting to any level. The other complaint was the pacing. Towards the final act, it felt very uneven, jumping from action to exposition. It just felt very rough. At the end of the day I gave it a six and unlike the other Alice in Wonderland, I would watch this one, most assuredly, again.

The Lovely Bones (2009)

The unlovely Bones?

[4/10 · 1 May 2010]

So asides from the jab with the summary title for this movie, I was seriously disappointed. Considering the subject matter, this movie was light and had some spotty acting. Nobody hear really elevates their resume, especially Susan Surandon who becomes the comic relief un-wittingly. I think the special effects overshadowed the dark subject matter, and the movie lacks a heart. Sure it has sappy moments, but they are contrived and lack the weight the subject matter carries. It feels pretty fluffy considering a young girl is murdered by an older creepy man. What I thought was going to be the movie of the decade did not even manage to be the movie of the day. *sad face A great story is behind this movie, unfortunately, this movie does not tell it. This movie lacks a soul and a movie about what happens with a family grieving for a lost one should have nothing but soul.

Alice in Wonderland (I) (2010)

:(

[4/10 · 18 March 2010]

So gauging by my summary, being a small unhappy face, you can probably tell I was not a fan of this movie. Sure, before I saw it, I was on-board. Clips and art, it looked so promising. How an hour and a half does change things. I really want to hear from Tim Burton that he is absolutely thrilled with the cut of this film. Because I am not buying it. It wreaks of studio chopping, this film is a pretentious mess. But Disney knows two things: Alice is a marketable brand, and Tim Burton is a marketable man. So, this movie will do well, but its revenue is hardly deserved. This story is not clever, tries to add a sturdy narrative to the story, fails in every regard and destroys the tone of the movie by having the most mind boggling, out of place dance in a movie, PERIOD. That better win an accolade, as it is soo ballsy and uncomfortable, it feels more like it was done on a dare rather than creative vision. The cast is here, with some great performances even, the effects are OK, but we never get to explore Wonderland because Tim's Alice is running all the time. (I should note that I saw the 2D version) But even then, I went in expecting cleverness, and found the script believes we are all idiots. Underland? Ummm no, that was the poorest name correction I've seen in film, and utterly unnecessary. It reads like this: Oh I really like that idea, but I want to put my own spin on it! Lewis Carroll had it all wrong, I should do him the favour of correcting his spelling blunder! ...

This all of course spins on the needle end of a feminist undertone, that while I applaud the notion, is executed horribly. This is Tim's first true failure to me, and even with the intimidating cast he has assembled, it seems fitting the last scene of the movie is on a ship, as the whole production should go down with it. Cruel words? Maybe. But a remake, or sequel should only be attempted should a) the new material add something fresh to the property or b) be necessary to resolve any unturned circumstances in the original. Alice had neither, the original story remains the best. Very disappointed.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)

The god-awful, the bad, and the ugly

[1/10 · 2 March 2009]

So this movie has been on my radar for quite a while. I was smooth talked by Justin Mark's assurance that his treatment of the movie was respectful and to be prepared for a new era of gaming films. I was pumped and on board, and then... I saw the film. THE GOD-AWFUL The script from this movie was a joke. When Bison utters something about milk and expiry dates, I laughed. It was a nervous laugh, but it was laughter. This movie makes no sense to me at all. The pitch was it was a Chun Li story about looking beyond revenge. In the end, she gets her revenge and the moral is? Revenge is the answer. THE BAD The costumes in this movie can also suck it. I felt terrible for Kristin in the night club scene, wearing a ridiculous dress and using her feminine wiles ( primo top dollar dancing to the unaware) to lure Cantana, a lesbian associate of Bison, into a bathroom. The pacing of this movie was dreadful, and we are hand-held for every scene, if Chun Li is walking on the screen she will undoubtedly inform us "I was walking.." ... REALLY? Really. THE UGLY The truth is this movie insults movie goers, gamers, and people, in general. Am I supposed to feel for Chun Li, even though she had a privileged life, and a loving mother? How is she a victim of circumstance? Am I supposed to feel Vega's threatening persona through five minutes of him getting the crap kicked out of him? Am I supposed to believe Bison is all evil when he continues to nurture his daughter? I think this movie was seriously edited so terribly, whatever good there was to salvage was lost on the cutting room floor. Whoever edited this needs to be bird kicked in the throat. It just makes no sense to me how the editor could do his job, watch the movie and allow this to enter the theaters. The best parts of the movie involved subtitles, and a sunset. That is it. So there you go, street fighter 2? Most assuredly, not.

Coraline (2009)

WONDERFULLY... ARGGH! SO AWESOME, loss of words

[10/10 · 7 February 2009]

OK, we're gonna take a stab ( or well woven needle hand) at this movie. I hearted it. I hearted it for the movie's heroine, for the eerie, tangible dark balance of the movie ( for every fluffy cotton candy canon, there was a dark rodent or spooky part to even the movie out) for the beautiful animation and artistry, and for a quipy script. I've read people's review saying the movie had no heart, and that is a lie. This movie has a strong message about family, and even had a scene that made me teary eyed, and I'm like 25 ! lol Another high point was the soundtrack and 3-d vision. Both were pulled to such high quality, it just enhances the experience. Henry Selick, you are a genius and Neil Gaiman must be proud to have this film on screen. 10/10 * see you soon ...;)

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)

Whoa

[9/10 · 3 February 2009]

Underworld was entertaining, evolution more of an action affair, and rise of the lycans, was AWESOME! I sat up in my chair several times, I remember thinking to myself this is a great movie, and while it has become my favorite flick of 2009 thus far, it evades being a masterpiece by a major setback. The story was pitch perfect for me. I loved Lucian and Sonya and felt their relationship elevated the stakes in the movie. I was also surprised at the grandeur of the movie. In an aristocratic era, the time period felt much more suited for the story. Plus, I will always take sword fights over guns, ALWAYS. I loved Rhona Mitra in this movie. I saw her in doomsday, and although I didn't like that movie, I saw something in her. I thought she was amazing in her role. Now, the biggest issue I have. I was so moved by the narrative of the story, but every time there was a fight scene, I cringed. They are horribly edited, too kinetic for my tastes. And seeing how this movie works as such: the characters interact with each other only until they are poised for a breaking point, and then when words aren't enough, they battle. Because of the momentum of the movie, the fighting scenes felt that they were going to be epic. Nope. If whoever helms Underworld 4 can marry the narrative of this movie, with innovative and CLEAR fighting scenes, that will be a great day. I'm still waiting for action director's to express these scenes with methods outside of quick cuts, odd moments of slow motion, and way to close camera angles. >.< Either way, I am buying this movie, and unlike the other two movies in the series, will watch it again and again.

Tomb Raider: Underworld (2008 Video Game)

Tomb Raider, angel of darkness 2.0

[5/10 · 25 November 2008]

Whoa. Am I about to tear into this game given the fact I gave it a 5 out of 10? You bet your adventure seeking a$$es I am. Because crystal dynamics is more capable than this. Because Tomb Raider deserves everything they promised sans the glitches and horrible collision detection. Because not since Angel of Darkness has Lara re-discovered her ability to phase through solid objects, and get stuck on the smallest twig, stuck enough to make you wander what happened to quality control. So the story is intriguing, the environments gorgeous and the soundtrack beautiful. Excellent job there, CD! Now... Seeing as how Tomb Raider has evolved, they got one step right. Motion capture for Lara. However, after SO many iterations of this game, I want to see a realistic Lara. It seems detracting to have realistic movements placed over a character playing in realistic environments, but possessing the face of a Brats doll. Seriously, after all these games, she still has the same nose as in the first playsation game, which to PSOne's credit was all they could render at the time. If they want to retain a cartoon-y look, have continuity. Make the game all cohesive, not cartoon-y Lara vs. realistic world. Next, the collision. OH LORD, this, and the camera have seriously impeached my love for Lara. You know what I take this as? A product suffering because of multiple ports. If they want to reach every console owning gamer under the sun, take care with each version. The camera is terrible in this game. I can't count the number of times I freaked out as I was on a ledge, and couldn't see where to go next, so I gathered I was to take a leap of faith in the game, only to find my deduction like two inches off. Seriously. I don't remember having this much of an issue with tomb raider legend or anniversary. Thirdly, combat. Combat on my PS3 sucked. It felt sloppy, evading and shooting is a terrible affair, the camera starts freaking out as you are locked on to an enemy, but you can't see the enemy, as the game engine is trying to stay on Lara bouncing around. I literally wanted combat reduced by like 95% it is that bad. Unless the next tomb raider can somehow design a combat system that is amazing, like... A-MAZ-ING , then I almost suggest taking it out completely. Exploration was what made me continue to play this game. And it sucks, as had these problems been rectified, this could have been THE tomb raider experience to get. As it stands, boo CD. Plus, where is the bonus content for PS owners? You know, the company your initial user base took you up on? 360 exclusive content? Color me offended.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Pretty impressive

[8/10 · 1 September 2008]

Best movie ever. Best comic book movie ever. Best performance of an actor playing a crazed clown.... ever. Before I got cuffed upside the head with a bat-a-rang, this is my humble opinion. So if your a frothing fan boy who is going to spam me and b*tch about my opinion, (hey at least I know I am having an audience!) than just dl the script and make little script babies with it till your hearts content. First off the .. BAD! ha you thought I was going to start with the good. OK, what is up with Batman's Batman voice? I thought about it, and was like, maybe he has to smoke like 12 cigars and go clubbing in a nicotine infested dance floor while shouting out the lyrics to ACDC's thunderstruck in order to " hide" his Bruce Wayne voice, but every time Christian Bale used this tactic, I cringed in my seat. Umm, uncool. Secondly, Rachel Dawes (sp?) Her character is so out of place in this mythology, its painful. The movie is filled with nods to the comic's characters, I don't ever recall a Rachel from the books ( I could be wrong). Maggie G. is a fantastic actress, and I understand why her character is in place to motivate another character's actions but her character was the weakest link. I had as much emotional attachment to her as I did my 8th grade teacher. ( that was a slam btw) Thirdly, the tragedy. This one can not be helped, but Heath owns this movie. Every scene he is in, you can't take your eyes off the screen. The Joker here is Batman's ultimate nemesis, as he should be. It sucks realizing that his character can not be continued, and it sucks that an amazing actor left, but what a legacy. I doubt his performance will be topped. Now the good. ( and you thought I was a meanie :P) Heath obviously. The script is well paced, and though the movie is epic long ( 2 and a half hours me thinks) your so involved with the screen shenanigans, time just flies by. Nolan addressed his action faults from the first movie, and the action is filmed more clearly and with more heroic gusto. Now the main draw. This movie pushes an moral ambiguity through the film. I have to emphasize this especially through Harvey Dent. When you see this movie, it will bring up questions. Not stupid questions like when you watched Batman & Robin, but questions that burn a hole in the entire perception of duality in man. Wow. All and all, a great movie. Perfect? Far from it, but dangerously close. I can't wait, because of Nolan's achievement has changed the landscape of what to expect from a comic movie. It's still not the best comic book movie I've seen, but damn, what a ride. The days of crappy comic cop outs may be coming to end. ( see, I wasn't too malicious ;)

The Eye (2008)

Why, oh why, the eye

[2/10 · 18 June 2008]

So I've come to the conclusion remakes suck. The ring introduced this phenomenon and now, we as a collective group, should boycott remakes. They just had to get their fingers in the eye's cookie jar. To its credit, the destruction of this movie is not what I thought it would be. I thought Jessica Alba would ruin it for me. Turns out, the writers and director are the ones who need to be slapped. Horrible, HORRIBLE dialogue. I don't know the name of the actor who plays the doctor in the movie, but wow. He really tapped into some crazy horrible over acting. Then, scenes which scarred me for life in the original ( and I am basing this as a fan of the original ) held nothing but disdain in this one. Alba's dreams suddenly become premonitions, and it destroys the whole point of the original donor being cursed with premonitions via sight. Sadly, I did not make it through this movie. Why bother? You know, I wish they would domestically release these movies in theaters, THE ORIGINALS, but we are a society that is anti-subtitle, so we are stuck in re-make hell. I heard this movie tanked at the box office. If things continue, maybe we can escape this sh*tty trend, just marginally scarred.

Boogeyman 2 (2007)

Waste, waste waste

[2/10 · 5 February 2008]

The only reason I am giving a 2 is because some of the actors managed to pull through the script.How they managed half of these scenes without bursting into hysterical laughter is beyond me. They at least held up on their end of the bargain.So, where to start. I wasn't expecting much on a direct-to-DVD movie, but holy sh*t was I in for a crap storm tonight. The first boogeyman sucked, no denying. So, to remedy the problem, looks like cues were taken from other horror films * cough cough SAW, and infused with a special spoonful of terrible. Seeing people die in the most disgusting ways was a reminder about what crap costs these days. $5.34 at your local blockbuster. PASS!!!

Ghost Rider (2007)

wow this movie sucked

[2/10 · 18 February 2007]

The only thing that saved this train wreck from being a complete calamity was Nick Cage offering charisma in this horribly scripted movie. The quipy one liners do nothing for me. In fact, several scenes became unintentionally funny because whoever penned the script, needs help... and fast! The best example would have to be Johnny's heart to heart with his fist... trying to lure out his dormant powers. This movie had potential. I have come to terms that Marvel movies do nothing for cinema. I hope this movie flops after word of mouth. There were scenes that were so uncomfortable for me to watch, just because the dialog was that bad. " I'm going to fight fire.... with fire ..." Wow. The fight scenes were abysmal. They introduce these menacing baddies who die rather quickly, rather pathetically. Johnny Blaze's younger self looks nothing like Nick Cage. Eva M can not act, and you know why she's there. Her cleavage can only carry a scene so far though. This makes me sad that such drek can be made. This ... movie... SUCKED! Boo

Silent Hill (2006)

Welcome to Silent Hill...

[7/10 · 22 April 2006]

Silent Hill in all it's violent glory, has done something video game movies have been attempting to do for years. It somewhat successfully merges cinema with gaming, in an almost digestible fashion.... almost. But perceptive readers will re-read the above sentence and feel the underlying emphasis on possibilities, and sadly, the movie is not the epic I was hoping for. First off, for a horror movie, there were seldom scares, if any. Sure when the siren in the town of Silent Hill went off, your blood ran cold as you knew Hell was about to carve the town a new hole, but there were no moments of sheer fright. However, what the movie lacked in the scare department, it more than compensated with striking imagery and gore. Good god, this movie has images that will haunt you long after your viewing. When the town's walls begin to bleed and peel, it's imagery that is worth noting. But we all know pretty images ( or in this case, a bloody table of carnage delights) does not a good film make. Oddly enough, my biggest gripe with the movie wasn't the movie itself but the idiots who decided to see the movie on the opening night with me. But, this is a review, read my blog for further pissiness on the issue. This movie is... in a word... LONG! And not just a little, it's huge, and I am of the mind had some bits been cut, it would have sat more favorably with me. I loved the actors in this movie though, especially some hefty fright-work compliments of Rhada Mitchell, who not only strikes a compelling mix of the fright of her character in Silent Hill, but the overpowering strength of mother hood that imbues her character to move on even with Hell itself at her heels. Woot for credibility for a game film! This is not a film for everybody though. It charges at you with electric scenes of thrills, than comes to an almost screeching halt with story exposition. If it sounds like the architecture of a roller coaster, it's because it is. Sure the slow climb of a roller-coaster cart is needed to get to the top of a drop for the right speed to send you careening in loops that provide the real thrills, but in Silent Hill, the moments outside of the town just aren't that interesting. When the darkness invades the town, it throws so much at you, and then it's over. < blinks> Kinda anti-climatic. But that's the nature of this movie. If you want to be scared, this movie is not for you. This is more of a thriller as opposed to the straight advertised horror moniker. I, however, thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Because for once, I felt the director and people involved truly brought something legitimate to the table. This is definitely a good step in the right direction. Sadly though, Silent Hill evades greatness and sits above average, but below spectacular...

Tomb Raider: Legend (2006 Video Game)

Baby, I could never stay mad at you!!

[16 April 2006]

All right, here's the deal. Tomb Raider:legend rocks. In fact, this game is sOoOoO much better than any other Tomb Raider, it's safe to say the series has indeed, been saved. Why? Off the top of my head ( as minutes before this online entry I wrapped the game): 1. It's pretty. My only bitch slip is that when Lara is done pumping some baddie or rabid cougar full of the ol' metal injection via her two pistals, shotgun, or semi-automatic, they blip and disappear. Kinda takes the realism out of it, a mistake they should have noted in Angel of Darkness. I know it sounds morbid as more or less I'm demanding the presence of my enemy's corpses, but it's just strange.... whatever. 2. Lara is no longer the stiff, frigid, mechanical, rigid, cubic, movement inclined... OK, you get the point, character from the previous iterations. She -get this-... MOVES! And moves properly! You'll be playing through this game, and the controller literally cradles your every whim with the best controls for this series... EVER! And since this game involves split second button presses, it's an aspect of the game that if not done properly, would have ruined the franchise and damaged it... a lot. 3. The story. What the hell was with Angel of Darkness? You know what, I don't even wanna know. You know what I do wanna know? When Legend will become a movie, it's that good. I loved this story, and I won't spoil it, but wow. It's not the best story ever, not a Final Fantasy or Metal Gear, but it urges you to continue long after an area or puzzle has you stumped, and that's just fine by me. I loved the character of Amanda, and Lara is wicked witty in this game. The ending leads nicely into the next game, unlike Angel which just left me with an urge slathor my game disc with meat sauce and feed it to my dog. 4. TOMBS! A tomb with a view... I love the tomb areas, as... ya know, your raiding again! Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of moments outside the archaic monuments, but nothing even compares to the tomb moments. The puzzles are more organic, and although the "pull the lever crap" is still in this one, it's minimal. So I likey:) A lot! 5.Bottom line, Lara is back. I like where the series is headed. Crystal Dynamics really did their homework for this game. On a personal note, I loved the music as well. The ambiance the music creates is subtle, but just as easily as it can permeate like a whisper, it has thumping moments of bravado, and I love the motorcycle music, of which there are two instances. Yeah for Ducati! This game has restored my faith, and I know it will be successful, as they have retained the essence of Tomb Raider, while importing new ideas ( the grapple mechanism rocks!). I am guessing a movie reprise will surface at some point or another as the games begin to become more refined. Now that Cyrstal Dynamics has stepped into the water, I wanna see what they have planned next. BUY THIS GAME!! * (the mansion you get to explore kicks a lot also!:)*

Ultraviolet (2006)

amazing action+so-so story=must see movie

[8/10 · 3 March 2006]

Ultraviolet is a much needed action movie for a couple of reasons: 1) The action is insane. You point out another movie that has at least an iota of adrenalin infused action mayhem like this movie does, and I will eat my own mouse pad and seek this alleged movie out. Seriously, the action scenes have set a standard: kick ... MY... A$$! Milla has outshone her competitors in the arena of B.W.C.K.M.A ( babes who can kick my a$$) When she growls that she's pi$$ed, you know it as she has the action chops to back it all up. 2) This movie had a couple of moments which caught me off guard. I was surprised at how touched I was in some areas as Violet opens up to the boy she's protecting, Daxus. It was just the last thing I expected to see, and the movie has a strong heart, it's just built on a shaky foundation, but more on that later. What I appreciate is the director's approach to infuse his story with genuine emotion, no matter how hokey it may seem. That alone will be the bane for many viewers of this film, I can tell you that right now. But I enjoyed his earnest approach. 3)The movie's gadgets. Two words: freaking' .... COOL! When Violet uses a disposable phone, I giggled as ... I WANTED ONE! As well, her weapons were great too, I just really appreciated the fact that a lot of thought went into her arsenal and her world in providing little quirks of innovation. Those three elements pretty much guarantees a DVD purchase for me alone. But with the good, comes the bad. My biggest gripe comes from the maternal switch Violet abruptly fumbles into. The movie's running time is really short, so the transition of Violet going from professional injury dispenser, to over protective mommy is a bit pretentious. A little bit more development on that front would have served the movie miles in believability. My other complaint is the on/off again direction of the script, as in some of the moments in the movie shone, while others were dealt with... less attention. The director applied double pressure on himself by taking on the all consuming director's chair, and by writing the script. I love the way Kurt directs: he has vision up the whoso with camera shots of crystal clarity, so yeah his directing is what pays the bills. What I'm not so hot on is the writing, and consequently, iffy writing translates into iffy acting. Some of the lines Milla delivers in the movie will elicit scoffs and giggles for the dead pan delivery. But ultimately, this movie sits comfortably as there is nothing visually like it. This movie could have been revolutionary, but action for me alone will never cut it. If the story had been ironed out and properly formatted, this movie would have transcended the video game-inspired trappings it finds itself in, but as it stands, it remains with a disappointing story overall, but with action you have to see to believe. But do me a favor: I write here to obviously offer up my opinion, but if you are reading this or any other review, remember to come to your own conclusions. Right now, on Rotten Tomatoes, this movie is sitting at a putrid 10%, so they deemed it as a stinker. As a result, people tend to allow critics the finality of opinions, so don't be a drone, and come to your own conclusions. SEE THE MOVIE, AND JUDGE FOR YOURSELF!!!